Friday, June 30, 2006

reality keeps giving me swirlies

i don’t know why these things didn’t really dawn on me earlier, but this week they’ve hit me like, well, like cold water in the face. only— it's a certain kind of cold water.

i’m aging. dunk

spider veins. drying skin. cellulite. gray hairs. dunk

i’m old enough to be someone’s mother, and in a few years i’ll be too old to become anyone’s mother. dunk

i’m alone. dunk, splash-gasp, dunk

i’ll be so busy with work that this won’t be changing anytime soon, or perhaps never. dunk-dunk-dunk

i am not as wise, centered, patient, kind, humble, generous, honest, merciful, gracious, loving, or, well, godly as i could be.
dunkdunkdunk-dunkity-dunkdunk-FLUSSSSSSSSHHHH!

it's not a light-hearted post, but at least the image is kinda funny.

2 Comments:

Blogger CamoBunny said...

oh, puffi. you were the one person who i was nearly certain would know how bad taupe is.

7/01/2006 10:19:00 AM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

... and dirty dishwater. taupe is the color of my current despair.

7/02/2006 10:47:00 AM

 

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Thursday, June 29, 2006

i'm not nervous

really, i'm not. i'd tell you if i were. you know i would.

but suddenly i do feel kinda sick. tremulous, weak, almost nauseated but not quite. my heart... hang on, let me check my heart... no, regular rhythm, so it's not because of my heart. and suddenly i have to go to the bathroom. i feel like laying... lying... lay—dangit!... i feel like being horizontal. see, i can't even talk/write.

what's going on? i don't have time for this. i need to iron my outfit.

i haven't ironed in a year (thanks to scrubs. or maybe no thanks to scrubs).

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006

funereal taupe

today i awoke to find myself devoid of any hope (or faith) that my dream will ever be realized.

i stayed in bed with a pillow over my face (because the sun streaming in the through my closed blinds was so bright) and tried to think about what this means for my life and how i will behave and believe differently, but my thoughts kept straying toward black/burgundy-or-purple/gold vs. blue/silver for curtains. waking up just enough to focus, i reminded myself of my prior resolution, one i made years ago to help me face this possibility— and i simply do not feel the resolve nor the inspiration.

i cannot even bring myself to mourn over the death of my dream. perhaps it is because it has been a long time dying, and finally coming to terms with it is not acute or surprising.

so instead of black, the appropriate colour is taupe. a bland, passionless, dingy, inconsequential, neverending taupe.

10 Comments:

Blogger d said...

don't let your dream die. you can do it (and other motivational slogans)!

then again... i don't really know what i'm talking about. my dream died this morning. i'm still recovering. unlike yours, it was a very sudden and unexpected death.

6/29/2006 07:30:00 AM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

oh,

thanks for the kind words, but this is something, actually probably the ONE thing i can't make happen because it's not up to me.

it's just not up to me.

sigh.

6/29/2006 09:37:00 AM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

what about you? are you okay?

you weren't dreaming of growing a head of long flowing hair like fabio were you? 'cause first of all he looks like a putz. secondly, well, you know. when you shave your head you can't do that.

6/29/2006 09:38:00 AM

 
Blogger d said...

it's not up to you? is it up to me? cause i'll do what i can.

thanks for asking. i'm not ok at all actually. my dream was to go on vacation tomorrow. and i need it real bad. but i arrived at the office this morning greeted by an email from my boss postponing my vacation at least a week. i'm not sure i'll make it. i'm completely and totally burned out. i don't think i've ever felt this way before.

i kind of like my shaved head. i'm sure it will look better once i get a tan, but i'm not totally disappointed with it so that's something. and it feels kinda cool.

6/29/2006 12:05:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

um, no, it's not up to you. i don't think. no, it isn't. it's just not up to anyone i guess. it's just not going to happen.

and that is all i can say about it, because it is very sad for me. (sobs)

6/29/2006 06:13:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

(recovering) and i am very sorry that you're not okay. would some candy help make it better? i have twix today.

do you work weekends? if not, only five work days 'til vacation! you can do anything for five days. i mean, within reason, not stuff like, you know, holding one's breath or whatever.

6/29/2006 07:16:00 PM

 
Blogger d said...

candy always helps.

no. i don't work weekends. actually, that's not true. i don't get paid to work weekends, but it's not unusual for me to have to spend time at the office on the weekend.

five working days. seems like forever. i should be on vacation right now. but anyway, thanks for putting it in perspective. i definitely have to go somewhere for vacation. but where???

6/29/2006 07:46:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

candy does not always help. for example it does not help you if you are fat.

and your vacation destination shall depend on how many days you have and how much money you have. and i guess how many friends you have, although if you've got enough money, who needs friends?

6/29/2006 08:07:00 PM

 
Blogger d said...

i've got lots of friends. not nearly enough money. plus, i still haven't been able to get my passport. so i'm pretty much limited to canada.

i've got 5 working days, so 9 days total with two weekends.

6/29/2006 08:38:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

wow! that's a lot.

i'd ask you to go somewhere on vacation so i could live vicariously through you while i begin my first days as an indentured servant at work, but i don't know canada well enough.

6/29/2006 10:11:00 PM

 

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retraction

i take it back.
it wasn't wrong. and so i don't apologize for it.
muahahahahaha!

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006

i would just like to say...

... how very me my blog is becoming. in appearance. finally.

2 Comments:

Blogger Joshua said...

So I guess that's why the camoflauge is gone now?

By the way, I finally replied to your comment on my comment on your comment on my blog.

6/29/2006 08:21:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

well, evidently, on may 16 i was feeling horrible and i wanted a blank slate for my life. so i made one out of my blog. i was just going to leave it there for one day, to really emphasize my point, but i liked it so much (it literally took my breath away when it caught me by surprise one time) and i got such good feedback on it that i kept it.

funny thing was, all's i did was change the all colors to white and the font to times new roman. everything else was exactly the same as the old blog format. when i decided to keep it, i tweaked a few things here and there...

the end.

6/29/2006 11:18:00 PM

 

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fruity goodness


lots of people take pictures of strawberries


because they really are beautiful.

8 Comments:

Blogger CamoBunny said...

well, yeah, i took that one. it's unoriginal and impromptu. [grins] but i don't care. i was just happy to be eating strawberries.

6/27/2006 09:25:00 PM

 
Blogger d said...

you probably won't believe me... but i was thinking of taking a picture of the strawberries i ate last night - you know... to make everybody jealous. but i guess it wouldn't have worked because you had strawberries too.

6/28/2006 06:15:00 AM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

actually, d, i do believe you. because why would you make that up?

6/28/2006 09:24:00 AM

 
Blogger d said...

i wouldn't. and thanks for trusting me. besides, you'll know when i'm lying because i instinctively break into a riverdance to distract people from the lie.

6/28/2006 05:40:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

a riverdance? really? oooo, can i see?

6/29/2006 11:00:00 AM

 
Blogger d said...

maybe

6/29/2006 08:35:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

you, sir, are a tease.

welcome to my circle of friends.

6/29/2006 08:41:00 PM

 
Blogger d said...

i'm honored to be within the circumference.

and i'm not lying... see, no riverdance.

6/29/2006 08:54:00 PM

 

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the colour of my failure

today it is magenta. magenta because it is glaring, in my face, obnoxious, and yet not important enough for me to take seriously. and because it is so hot outside. after several many gallons of gas, multiple wrong turns to get to nonexistent destinations, traffic jams, and near-accidents i am still without having attained my goal.

all this talent and these personality traits and i can't get this one thing done.

fortunately it's neither necessary nor time-sensitive.

och! magenta!

2 Comments:

Blogger d said...

magenta is an appropriate colour for me today as well. or at least the morning.

angry, angry, angry. at the traffic. at my job for expecting me to take a conference call on my vacation day. at the fact that school's out and there were a dozen kids at the hair salon so i couldn't get my hair cut. at the traffic. did i mention that already?

and by the way, your use of the letter "u" in colour hasn't gone unnoticed by this canadian. bravo!

6/27/2006 07:13:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

sorry you had a magenta-coloured day too.

6/27/2006 09:17:00 PM

 

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Monday, June 26, 2006

strange things... #5

s.t.i.h.d.w.p. #5 requires no explanation.


but now the question is, what do i do with them? throw them out? seems like a shame. but they are five years old.

throw them out it is. at least i have the photo as proof.

1 Comments:

Blogger CamoBunny said...

and everyone, i'd like to introduce to you heidi v. heidi seems to have the gift of encouragement. thanks for the compliments! also she is sweet and fiesty. as a matter of fact, if she were a candy, i do believe she'd be pop rocks!

honestly, heidi, after 5 years i worry that some bizarre toxic chemical transformation has occurred with my package of pop rocks.

and you bring up a point-- the acoustics in my place are great! at least, right now they are... but more on this later...

6/27/2006 05:46:00 PM

 

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alone

sniff, sniff.

where is everybody?

1 Comments:

Blogger d said...

i have no idea.

6/26/2006 04:07:00 PM

 

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Sunday, June 25, 2006

now that i think about it

we were in the third grade, and open house was coming up. mrs. cross (“because i’m cross as a bear,” former deputy sheriff, friend of the family) put us to work getting the room presentable. she put c.j. to the task of cleaning off the big wooden desk in the corner. she sprayed it with pledge or whatever and handed him a folded up ‘rag’ to dust with.

c.j., not quite the class clown but kind of a joker of a boy, cocked his head to the side. he held the rag up in the air, and then ceremoniously unfurled it to reveal that it was a pair of very large, dingy men’s briefs. bvd’s.

at the time i (age 7) considered him irreverent for doing so.

but now that i think about it,

it was really funny.

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the next best thing


5 Comments:

Blogger d said...

i don't think i'd add anything else. unless you've got a monkey. do you have a monkey?

6/25/2006 07:22:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

how's this?

(it's the best i got. here's a closeup.)

6/25/2006 08:48:00 PM

 
Blogger Joshua said...

Hey, I had a monkey just like that when I was a kid! His name was Eddie.

6/26/2006 12:43:00 AM

 
Blogger d said...

i can't believe you have a monkey! that's awesome!

6/26/2006 09:24:00 AM

 
Blogger A. Klemmer said...

That looks almost like a corner of heaven to me. A quiet empty space and a guitar.

6/30/2006 08:45:00 PM

 

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Saturday, June 24, 2006

decorating

damn.

you know what would look awesome on that floor of mine?

a piano.

1 Comments:

Blogger d said...

a platinum grand piano!

6/24/2006 09:50:00 PM

 

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strange things... #4

roly-polies.

bunches of dead roly-polies.

they are also known as pill bugs, for those of you too mature for that rhyming name.

as i sold my couch and the nice people took it away, a little roly-poly graveyard was revealed. and since nice people were over at my place i vacuumed them up as quickly as i could, because, you know, it was gross. so i don't have good pictures to show you how bad it was.



that's all i got.

1 Comments:

Blogger d said...

i've come up with an idea for the prickly pineapple's next contest.

come up with an ad for something not typically advertised... like your plastic spoon still in the plastic wrap.

6/24/2006 06:15:00 PM

 

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strange things... #3

the third strange thing i have discovered while packing is this dragonball z calendar.


the end.

5 Comments:

Blogger d said...

i just moved in may and i didn't find anything interesting. is that sad?

oooh, but here's something interesting. i bought a basketball today. and two crowbars, 420 x 2" nails and 100 x 3" screws. i'm building a fence.

the basketball isn't for the fence.

6/24/2006 02:54:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

d— things are only interesting if you make them interesting. like going to walgreens. wait, i've said that before.

of course, i don't really think my s.t.i.h.d.w.p.'s are all that interesting. i think they're strange. and evidently, other people don't. so i guess they're actually objectively unremarkable.

the idea of building a fence is, to me, completely foreign. i like to build things, but a fence? hmm. yes, that is interesting. you must be a homeowner then.

6/24/2006 04:10:00 PM

 
Blogger d said...

nope. not a home owner. just like building fences.

i'm actually rebuilding the fence. my landlord's attempt at fence building was a failure. it fell down after 9 months. so i told him i'd build it the right way. clearly i was under the influence of some powerful, mind-altering drug.

6/24/2006 05:52:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

you... like building fences. surely that's some sort of annoying symbolism.

are you at least getting paid to build the fence?

6/24/2006 06:12:00 PM

 
Blogger d said...

yes. he's paying me.

6/25/2006 03:21:00 PM

 

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Friday, June 23, 2006

my situation, part ii


5 Comments:

Blogger d said...

ummm... is that a king size floor?

when does all your stuff arrive?

6/24/2006 02:49:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

it's an ultra-firm super-emperor sized floor.

some of it is here after much trying ado. it was so trying i don't want to talk about it now. but i have to go buy the rest of it.

6/24/2006 04:37:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

(snicker)

don't these pictures just scream "single and childless"?

6/24/2006 04:38:00 PM

 
Blogger d said...

they sure do. but what's wrong with that?

6/24/2006 05:53:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

who said anything was wrong with that?

except, one of those things i would prefer not to be for too too too long. but that doesn't make it wrong.

6/24/2006 06:11:00 PM

 

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my situation


9 Comments:

Blogger d said...

i love the floor. it's beautiful.

and i find it charming that you put a small rug under the TV tray (which, by the way, looks very similar to my TV tray from IKEA - but it can't be mine... or can it?)

6/23/2006 12:11:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

the floor had better be beautiful, even if only deceptively beautiful, cheap stuff that it's made of. i made them re-do the whole thing for slight damages here and there. because i am a shrew. and now i'm finding that the floor is also a shrew, as i am concerned about messing it up by spilling water on it or walking around in high heels and whatnot. hence the doormat under the tv tray.

the tv tray could be yours, if you are the twenty-six year old cardiologist of indian descent from pittsburgh who gave it to me last year while trying to unload his stuff prior to moving out of town. if not, then, um, no.

now give me some candy.

6/23/2006 12:26:00 PM

 
Blogger d said...

if only i were twenty-six... and an indian-american cardiologist from pittsburgh. then all of my problems would be solved. and by "all" i mean "none"

and why was this cardiologist so eager to get out of town that he couldn't keep his TV tray? very peculiar indeed.

i wish i could send candy, but all of my candy cries seem to fall on deaf ears so i'm slightly bitter. it's a shame, really. 'cause i'd send good candy. and lots of it.

6/23/2006 01:01:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

oh, ree-hee-hee-heeally?

what kind of candy?

mmmm cannnnndy...

6/23/2006 01:54:00 PM

 
Blogger d said...

werther's chocolates - delicious toffee mixed with hazelnuts and almonds covered with a deliciously fine milk chocolate... mmmmmm

runts & nerds... i put them in the same line because i can't decide which ones i like better.

also, an assortment of candy bars.

chocolate covered pretzels!! who can resist chocolate covered pretzels?

and, because i'm feeling nostalgic, i'd probably throw in some bottle caps and a lik-m-aid fundip. remember those?

6/23/2006 02:42:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

yes. that is good candy indeed. it is a good thing to have you as a blogfriend after all, if you'd send such candy, and lots of it.

i have never experienced the werther's chocolates experience. i will look into that post-haste. i do heart werther's originals.

runts and nerds-- sounds like a d & t phenomenon. runts have more sentimental value for me. nerds are fun and crunchy, but messy to eat, and too often one has to end up licking one's palm.

candy bars are always good. what's your fav?

chocolate covered pretzels! i cannot resist them. but even stronger is the allure of the almond bark or yogurt covered pretzel.

bottle caps? my fav is the root beer flavored one. and lik-m-aid? i was not allowed to try that as a child. my mother thought it unsanitary. although for some reason i recall that the stick part tasted good alone, probably better than with the dip.

i am quite fond of bit-o-honey as well. jelly belly jelly beans rock my world, but only on rare occasion.

how do you feel about ferrero rocher? oh, or those little lindt truffle balls? or milko chocolates? life saver swirl pops? oooo-- chupa chups!!! pop rocks!

lastly, i have always been fascinated with the phenomenon of candy buttons. ever since i saw them on that old willy wonka movie. to me they represent an abundance of candy and happiness in a carefree world festooned with candy button ribbons and big swirl lollipops. but they don't look like they would taste very good.

i should probably reciprocate with the virtual candy-sending. so here's one of everything. enjoy.

6/24/2006 10:59:00 AM

 
Blogger d said...

how do i feel about ferrero rocher? if ferrero rochers were women, i'd move to a country where i could marry as many of them as possible. sometimes i think of doing that anyway. they're my absolute favorite food.

one year for christmas, all i asked for from everyone was ferrero rocher. i still ended up getting ugly sweaters and a bunch of other less delicious things, but i did make quite a score of rochers. i think i should go out and buy some right now.

the lindt chocolates are good too. was never a fan of pop rocks. they frightened me as a child. and i don't think i've ever had a milko chocolate. though they sound good.

candy, candy, candy, candy, candy.

candy bars... my favorite... that's a tough question. it changes regularly. right now, it's max5. i think there's a similar one in the U.S. (possibly take5) it's peanuts, peanut butter, caramel and pretzels covered in chocolate. love the salty-sweet mix.

probably sounds as though i do nothing but eat candy. if only... i'm all talk and no action.

oh man... no action. not good.

6/24/2006 02:46:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That floor. I want that floor.

And the TV tray: We ahve those in our place too. (My wife just confirmed: I am not a 26-year-old cardiologist, a good thing for my kids, whom I did NOT have at 12 and 14.)

6/24/2006 02:53:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

ak: i dunno. caring for a floor like that is, um, what's the word? oh. the floor is high-maintenance. and it's only laminate. is that poser or what?

d: are you for real about the ferrero rochers for christmas? i mean, wow. although i'm not down with polygamy, even if it is just rocher polygamy.

the salty-sweet mix is a phenomenon of its own, and candies with that are in a class all their own. i like payday candy bars quite a bit. i will have to try a take 5/max 5 if possible. i wonder why they won't call them the same thing on both sides of the border?

no action might be okay. if the whole world thought more about candy and less about sex, it would be better off. i am completely serious.

6/24/2006 06:22:00 PM

 

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Saturday, June 17, 2006

strange things... #2

s.t.i.h.d.w.p. #2 comes from back in the days when i was a scientist.



it is a map of the human genome, published in science when they first finished the mapping project. big enough to put up on your wall. i had felt compelled to keep it, but not to display it. it stayed folded under my dresser (the one in which i found the fork).

compelled no longer.

3 Comments:

Blogger Joshua said...

You should keep it, and hang it up so your place doesn't seem so empty.

I would absolutely want a poster of the human genome. I probably wouldn't be able to make any sense of it, but that's okay. Actually, I'm kind of surprised they can fit it all on a poster in a manner that would be worth looking at. Is there some sort of organizational pattern to the genome, or is it just genes strung together in a random order? I kind of assumed it was the latter, but the view of the poster looks like it has some sort of logic to it.

Hi, by the way. I used to read your blog but then I tried to stop blogging for a while, and now I'm back for a visit. Have a good one.

6/18/2006 12:48:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

alas, j, i'd send it to you but it has already been thrown out.

there is an organizational pattern to the genome, and it is as the genes are lined up on the chromosomes.

by the way, hiiiiiiieeeeee. welcome back; hope you enjoyed your visit.

6/23/2006 01:59:00 PM

 
Blogger Joshua said...

I was going to ask a follow up question because either I didn't really phrase my original question correctly, or you misunderstood it. But then I decided I should just go find a genetics book rather than bother you about this stuff.

6/24/2006 07:00:00 PM

 

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ouch

it's getting close to 3 am, and as i hang up the phone i am finally confronted with the growing emptiness of my place. everything seemed fine and the same before, despite the lack of furniture, while i was caught up in my tasks ("because i'm so used to living in clutter," i told camodidi), but now with the chanson d'hiver playing and the lack of distraction (winding down for bed) i suddenly really feel the aloneness acutely. slight fear and severe loneliness seizes my heart. this makes me realize that i have not felt this lonely in a long time, which makes me realize how fortunate i have been over the past years. a heartfelt "thank you" to those have been friends to me and loved me. as for tonight's loneliness— i'll shake it off. i'm headed bedward, and am setting the alarm to get an early start on a frighteningly busy but fleeting day.

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Friday, June 16, 2006

strange things... #1

and with my triumphant return,

let us begin this series entitled

strange things i have discovered while packing

hopefully it will prove to be entertaining, and if not, then i hope that at least the things do qualify as strange.

s.t.i.h.d.w.p. #1

just now i found a plastic fork, in its original plastic wrap, in my underwear drawer.



please do not judge me for this. as you should be able to tell from this post, i was surprised to find it, and i think it strange that it was there.

stay tuned for the continuation of the series.

2 Comments:

Blogger d said...

oh thank god!

you're back.

6/16/2006 07:25:00 PM

 
Blogger A. Klemmer said...

Had their been a plate of forgotten food, a few spiked peas... these would've been cause for concern, but just a fork? Nah.

6/18/2006 08:47:00 AM

 

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Tuesday, June 13, 2006

paws

yep. i'm taking a itty-bitty blog break. see you again in 3-9 days, if i can keep myself away from the blog.

5 Comments:

Blogger A. Klemmer said...

Hope you enjoy/enjoyed your time away.

6/15/2006 01:11:00 AM

 
Blogger d said...

noooooooooo... t's gone. now you.

what am i gonna read now while i'm at work? my own blog? hey! good idea.

6/16/2006 01:54:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

ak: is your middle initial c? because that would be funny. like bill the cat was funny. i am not away. i'm just taking a break from posting. it's the responsible thing to do. except here i am irresponsibly commenting instead of posting.

d: awwwww. that's one of the sweetest things anyone's ever said to me. no, seriously, i mean it.

you could read your own blog. or my comments on your blog. you could work on posting that picture of your blue suede shoes, which i want to see and which would make your blog ENTIRELY worthwhile. you could read my archives; they are deep and lengthy. start with my all-time fav's on the sidebar. you could read the rest of my six or nine blogs or however the heck many i am up to now. lessee, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 plus my super secret blog. you could help me create contest #6 for the prickly pineapple. just options since you sound like you're open to suggestions.

6/16/2006 02:21:00 PM

 
Blogger d said...

i've been trying like a son-of-a-bitch to make my blog worthwhile based on your suggestion of posting a picture of my blue suede shoes but so far have been unsuccessful. my digital camera broke and the web site that had a picture of them doesn't anymore. but t has seen them and she can vouch for their awesomeness.

what's this contest you speak of? i think i'll start with reading your archives.

6/22/2006 07:39:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

contest #5 was here. i haven't created contest #6 yet but could use help with ideas.

6/23/2006 10:22:00 AM

 

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right now i am feeling...

... nauseated.

seriously. i'm about to puke. i'm waiting here with the barf bucket in my lap.

(won't puke in toilets. splashback.)

2 Comments:

Blogger Valancy Jane said...

If you unfold a napkin and lay it on the surface of the water, presto, no backsplash.

I learned that from a woman who had horrible morning sickness and five children.

6/13/2006 03:13:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

ah, so i have heard.

actually i heard that one not about vomiting, but from a woman who was talking about, um, you know, doing #2 in scary-looking public toilets and trying to avoid that sort of splashback. she says it's good to prevent, er, skidmarks as well.

ew.

yes, ray. evidently in my world it is inevitably about poo.

6/15/2006 03:18:00 PM

 

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Sunday, June 11, 2006

window shopping

okay this is so bad i should totally be packing up my bedroom but instead i am looking on the web at things like this


how awesome is that? i will answer myself; that is completely awesome! i am even more enamored of the marshmallow bunny:


voffel the one-sided puppy is also quite quite cute.

och. procrastination. sonic calls. cherry limeade! coconut cream pie shakes! oh i'm so bad! a thousand pricklepoints (tm) to anyone who helps me focus and pack up my place! i am dead serious, people!

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selling points

... so i said, "it's a queen-sized bed, medium color wood, iron scroll work at the top."

she said she would take a look, 'cause she needed a new bed, and i need to sell all my furniture.

and then i said, "if it helps, i have no pets, i don't smoke, and i'm single, so, you know, nothing, um... nothing happens, you know, in that bed."

as i say. pathologically honest.

1 Comments:

Blogger d said...

that's hilarious!

(not that nothing happens... but that you told them that nothing happens).

6/12/2006 01:25:00 PM

 

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Friday, June 09, 2006

nerd alert: formulas for dating success

okay.

a guy i went to medical school with told me about this first one. i don't know whether he made it up or not, but i think it holds true.

where
D = probability of getting a date,
At = attractiveness,
Av = availability,
S= standards.

the fun comes in when you begin adjusting your variables to fit each particular person. as you can see, a person with a high level of attractiveness will have a high D. a person with a low level of attractiveness will have a lower D, but if their degree of availability is quite high, this may compensate for it. of course, no matter how attractive you are, if your availability is zero, you're hosed.

i personally have the most fun playing with the S variable in the denominator. like this:


so you see, as your standards get lower, indeed as your standards approach zero, your D will increase, approaching infinity. likewise, if your standards get ever higher, your D asymptotically approaches zero.

now here's one i've been working on for people who are already in relationships.


where
R = success in the relationship,
C = things shared in common
Dm = degree of density of the male, and
If = degree of insanity of the female.

i find this one rather obvious and self-explanatory.

while we are on the subject, there are some things i've been wondering about love amongst my blogfriends and blogacquaintances. i wonder if the babbling dweeb is in love with his seattle "friend", because not many men his age take such photos of women as his (the black and white ones) unless they love them. i wonder if d and t are in love. he did propose to her in a blog comment after all. i wonder if nick is as in love with valancy jane as she is with him, seeing as he never ever mentions it. and i wonder if anyone will ever be in love with me, despite the fact that i am not an oscar mayer wiener (snicker).

the end.

1 Comments:

Blogger d said...

that's what i love about math. it's so logical.

this reminds me of that movie about that math guy with that beautiful mind, which, as i recall was also a bit wonky. i believe that's the medical term. but i guess you'd know better than me.

anyway, it seems like a formula he would have worked on for his dissertation but then ended up getting side-tracked into solving the world's economic problems and improving competitive strategies.

6/12/2006 01:35:00 PM

 

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Thursday, June 08, 2006

imaginary audience

part one: they were watching me

i was getting a haircut. the woman in the stylist's chair next to mine was looking at me. where was her stylist? she had been looking at me too. they had been looking at me and whispering to each other.

surely not. aren't i past this adolescent developmental stage, jean piaget? why am i so paranoid?

the stylist returned with swatches of fake hair in her hand. she held them up in the air, sort of in my general direction. "this color is similar. there's a little less red to it. and this one is deep and rich, with a little more red. what do you think?"

they were looking at me. evidently the woman had requested to have her hair dyed to be the same color as mine.

part two: she was watching me

i like chick-fil-a. it's yummy. as i enjoyed my waffle fries i noticed her looking at me. i did not make eye contact. i just kept eating, thinking, no, bunny. she's not looking at you. she's just looking around, and you were in her line of sight for a minute.

she stood up. she was pregnant. i was surprised by this. i don't know why. she came to my table.

"pardon me, did you go to [insert name of dead president] high school?" no, i did not. "oh, it's so weird! you look so much like this girl i went to high school with. you have the same mannerisms and everything."

part three: they were watching me

evidently on wednesday afternoons there are a lot of old people shopping at the mall. make that old women shopping at the mall, and their husbands (also old) sitting on the benches at the mall. and sitting outside fitting rooms. and sitting in the food court. and i mean old like septugenarian old. i tried to tell myself, don't be silly, they're not looking at you. but 1) twice before people were looking at me and 2) these dudes they were so totally blatantly and obviously watching me walk by. i want to say "ew," but i suppose this is a free country, and looking isn't a crime, and in their minds men don't remember that they’re old when they're looking at girls.

still, ew.

part four: they are watching us

if you have gmail, have you noticed the way that the sponsored links on your sidebar change according to the content of the e-mail message you are reading? i find this greatly disturbing.

1 Comments:

Blogger CamoBunny said...

do you?

wow, i'm reading your comment and there are so many different ways i can interpret it. do you like piaget's theory of adolescent self-consciousness and egocentrism, do you enjoy having your own imaginary audience, do you like the term "imaginary audience", or do you like my post?

haha, interpretation's a funny thing, isn't it? and now i must get back to my audience...

6/09/2006 02:20:00 PM

 

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Wednesday, June 07, 2006

best gifts

i don't usually get much stuff for my birthdays.

this year has been a record, of sorts.

first, from saara, a gift of jewelry (!), one that is thoughtful and carries significance regarding our friendship, which is special to both of us. our friendship is special, i mean. of course the bracelet is special too, and pretty. oh and there was dinner. and a surprise call with a birthday song, that being the birthday song.

then, a letter:

Hi [Bunny]!

Funny about birthdays, about the fact that we all get one day that's more important than all the rest; the ownership of that one specific date that will always be special.

For your birthday, I wish that you would have a happy day, full of good thoughts and nice people and beauty and joy.

I am glad that you are my friend, and I like how modern technology enables me to keep tabs on your life and your thoughts, even though we sit several thousand miles apart. In a more perfect world, I would be able to have you over for coffee and pie (preferably a large chocolate cream pie with loads o' flavor and riches). I'd sing you "Happy Birthday" and throw confetti. Then, of course, we would go see Dave Brubeck and chill over a glass of some crazy-good vintage wine, and talk music and stuff. I'd admire your perfect shoes and attire, and you'd use thoughtful sentences full of colorful adjectives and metaphors. We'd close the evening with a walk through warm night air, under stars and amiable atmosphere.

That's what I'd do for your birthday if you were here or I were there.

I miss you.

[Puffintoad]

and so you see, having friends who know exactly what i'd like best for my birthday has made all the difference.

1 Comments:

Blogger A. Klemmer said...

Wow. What a great note to get on one's birthday.

(Um, Puffintoad, mine's in December. A note any day will do.

Oh, that it were that easy to make deep, enduring friendships.

I'm glad you know the value of the connection, Ms. Bunny.)

6/08/2006 02:51:00 PM

 

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Tuesday, June 06, 2006

fightin' woids

mmmmmhm.

oh yeah.

i see you winding up.

and to that i say,

bring it. oh briiiiing it.

just do it here and not at the prickly pineapple. the prickly isn't the right venue.

2 Comments:

Blogger A. Klemmer said...

No. No fighting on or near your b-day, which I hope is incredibly happy and fun.

Also, no fighting on your un-birthday. That would be no way to celebrate.

And (further down the page), every time I've seen you you've looked perfectly fine. If they're so concerned about your weight, perhaps they should treat you to a milkshake.

6/07/2006 04:31:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

you and your milkshakes...

thanks for the birthday wishes!

6/08/2006 01:19:00 AM

 

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y'all gots problems

every day i shake my head upon checking my sitemeter and finding out how many people come to my blog to read the post i wrote in march about feet.

well, i didn't until someone pointed out that it's probably foot-fetishist people who are specifically getting onto search engines and searching for feet.

dude. not cool.

3 Comments:

Blogger Thérèse said...

Err... hi. That was me.

*blush*

6/06/2006 11:08:00 AM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

heidi: heidi v! hi, heidi v! yay, welcome to my blog. yeah. some people have certain interest in feet in certain ways, evidently.

t: oh, i see. well, it's you and bunches of people around the world. about 25% of my traffic is now straight to that post about feet, which is so not even close to what they're looking for (ew) ... unless it's you traveling around the world checking for posts about feet while hating peanut butter. you peanut butter hater.

6/06/2006 11:34:00 AM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

perhaps. but the tracker program i use to stalk my readers says that the people who come to read that post find it through such google searches as "women with huge feet". why are people googling that? wait, don't answer that. ew.

wv:owakamen

6/08/2006 01:26:00 AM

 

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Monday, June 05, 2006

karma

i don't really believe in "karma".

something sort of bad happened to me this morning. someone mentioned that because of "karma" something good will happen to make up for it. yeah, right.

oh, but look. i picked up an individually wrapped plastic knife from the cafeteria for breakfast. on closer inspection, i see that there are two knives accidentally included in the package. "see? karma."

okay. so a bonus plastic knife.

thrilling.

1 Comments:

Blogger CamoBunny said...

i'm chuckling because i'm reminded of that part of the movie amelie where the guy tells the little girl she has caused all sorts of horrible disasters, and she is wracked with remorse for days. then once she learns he was just messing with her she gets him back. up on the rooftop she sits, disconnecting and reconnecting the cable tv at crucial moments of the soccer game, with that cold, resolute look of calculated vengance on her face...

yeah that.

6/08/2006 01:18:00 AM

 

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i've come close multiple times on my carpeted stairs at home, but today it actually happened, and at work, on the marble.

i just fell down the stairs.

and while, yes, my ego is bruised,

it hurt my knees more.

ouch : (

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Sunday, June 04, 2006

enough

alright, folks.

i am done with it.

enough of y'all have dropped some rather unkind hints about my body habitus. "anorexic," "emaciated," and "ethiopian" (which is just plain un-p.c.) are freshest in my mind.

come on, people. i am not.

there is unhealthy thin.

(pics of lindsay lohan, nicole richie, and lara flynn boyle ganked from the internet)




then there is me.


hahaha just kidding! here's me.


(shut up. i know i'm no beauty queen. it's a touch embarrassing posting the picture but this point is worth making. the photo is undoctored except for the blotch over my head.)

"ladies", you may spare me your comments unless you plan on apologizing to me.

get a grip on reality, girls. it's not my fault that you don't like your body. and now i'm going downstairs to have a piece of cake.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are right. I think people just say things like that because they are insecure. It's rude.

6/04/2006 08:58:00 PM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

l.l.— part of it is their insecurity and jealousy; part of it is that in this country the average person is overweight, so when a person is normal, people often perceive them as overly thin.

notch— gee thanks. right back at'cha.

6/05/2006 07:31:00 AM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

ah, yes. that would be hawaii. and the person who took the picture? let us call him "hawaii-boy". one of the few people ever to have witnessed the camobunny in a bikini. except now entire internet has seen this phenomoenon... yikes.

i think the picture has an unusual painted quality to it. like from back in the day, pre-renaissance, when backgrounds and lighting were sort of dull and flat, and people were painted white and plump and lumpy? yeah, like that.

6/06/2006 09:27:00 AM

 
Blogger CamoBunny said...

aaaahahaha!

thanks!

hee hee.

look at my left leg. it looks like it was painted, and it looks like it was painted with mistakes in perspective...

6/07/2006 11:58:00 PM

 

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Friday, June 02, 2006

haves and have-nots

the little boy wanted to help.

he went to his bedroom, paused, and then remembered. from underneath his bed he brought out a potato chip can. he shook the can and listened to the jingle. he turned it upside down, and seven pennies fell out.

he frowned, but only briefly. putting the pennies back into the can and the can back under the bed, he made a plan.

so after that, at school, instead of using the change his mother had given him for an extra snack, he saved it. he found some change every once in a while as well. he found all sorts of ways to save a little money here and there.

after a short while, he had one hundred cents. excited, he showed his mother. she smiled at him and told her she was proud of him, and asked if he would like to exchange his coins for... she reached into her desk drawer and pulled out a shiny silver dollar.

oh! yes, please.

the next day he raced home from school. he stopped in the kitchen to say hello to his mother, and then grabbed his stepstool, which he proceeded to drag up the stairs, thump thump thump. he went into the bathroom and washed his face. he combed his hair. he glanced briefly at his father's aftershave, then thought better of it. he put on a clean white shirt and a pair of pants without any holes, and his shiny black shoes.

i'm off, mom! she kissed him on the forehead and watched him ride down the street, one hand on the handlebars, silver dollar clutched in the other.

he reached the address he'd seen in the paper. can you show me where to find the Man Who Takes Care of the Money? i want to help.

a nice man in the lobby walked him to the elevator and pressed a button too high up for the little boy to have reached. the boy felt his stomach go down, down as the elevator went up and up and up. the nice man walked him from the elevator to the secretary's desk. this young man saw the paper and wants to help, he said. the secretary smiled and nodded, and took the boy's hand and brought him into the office of the Man Who Takes Care of the Money.

hello, little boy.

hello.

what can i do for you today?

the boy looked at the Man Who Takes Care of the Money, who was puffing on a cigar. behind him was a pile of money. a large pile of money. a pile bigger than the boy, so big that he could not see the top of it, perhaps bigger than his house. his jaw fell open. he looked down at the silver dollar in his outstretched hand.

i wanted— i wanted to help...

the Man Who Takes Care of the Money removed the cigar from his mouth and said, thank you. he took the silver dollar and dropped it onto the pile. clink. then he sat back down and looked at the boy who continued to stand there, staring at him.

yes?

but...

yes? he blew a few smoke rings.

but i wanted to help.

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