funereal taupe
today i awoke to find myself devoid of any hope (or faith) that my dream will ever be realized.
i stayed in bed with a pillow over my face (because the sun streaming in the through my closed blinds was so bright) and tried to think about what this means for my life and how i will behave and believe differently, but my thoughts kept straying toward black/burgundy-or-purple/gold vs. blue/silver for curtains. waking up just enough to focus, i reminded myself of my prior resolution, one i made years ago to help me face this possibility— and i simply do not feel the resolve nor the inspiration.
i cannot even bring myself to mourn over the death of my dream. perhaps it is because it has been a long time dying, and finally coming to terms with it is not acute or surprising.
so instead of black, the appropriate colour is taupe. a bland, passionless, dingy, inconsequential, neverending taupe.
i stayed in bed with a pillow over my face (because the sun streaming in the through my closed blinds was so bright) and tried to think about what this means for my life and how i will behave and believe differently, but my thoughts kept straying toward black/burgundy-or-purple/gold vs. blue/silver for curtains. waking up just enough to focus, i reminded myself of my prior resolution, one i made years ago to help me face this possibility— and i simply do not feel the resolve nor the inspiration.
i cannot even bring myself to mourn over the death of my dream. perhaps it is because it has been a long time dying, and finally coming to terms with it is not acute or surprising.
so instead of black, the appropriate colour is taupe. a bland, passionless, dingy, inconsequential, neverending taupe.
posted by CamoBunny at 09:33
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10 comments
10 Comments:
don't let your dream die. you can do it (and other motivational slogans)!
then again... i don't really know what i'm talking about. my dream died this morning. i'm still recovering. unlike yours, it was a very sudden and unexpected death.
6/29/2006 07:30:00 AM
oh,
thanks for the kind words, but this is something, actually probably the ONE thing i can't make happen because it's not up to me.
it's just not up to me.
sigh.
6/29/2006 09:37:00 AM
what about you? are you okay?
you weren't dreaming of growing a head of long flowing hair like fabio were you? 'cause first of all he looks like a putz. secondly, well, you know. when you shave your head you can't do that.
6/29/2006 09:38:00 AM
it's not up to you? is it up to me? cause i'll do what i can.
thanks for asking. i'm not ok at all actually. my dream was to go on vacation tomorrow. and i need it real bad. but i arrived at the office this morning greeted by an email from my boss postponing my vacation at least a week. i'm not sure i'll make it. i'm completely and totally burned out. i don't think i've ever felt this way before.
i kind of like my shaved head. i'm sure it will look better once i get a tan, but i'm not totally disappointed with it so that's something. and it feels kinda cool.
6/29/2006 12:05:00 PM
um, no, it's not up to you. i don't think. no, it isn't. it's just not up to anyone i guess. it's just not going to happen.
and that is all i can say about it, because it is very sad for me. (sobs)
6/29/2006 06:13:00 PM
(recovering) and i am very sorry that you're not okay. would some candy help make it better? i have twix today.
do you work weekends? if not, only five work days 'til vacation! you can do anything for five days. i mean, within reason, not stuff like, you know, holding one's breath or whatever.
6/29/2006 07:16:00 PM
candy always helps.
no. i don't work weekends. actually, that's not true. i don't get paid to work weekends, but it's not unusual for me to have to spend time at the office on the weekend.
five working days. seems like forever. i should be on vacation right now. but anyway, thanks for putting it in perspective. i definitely have to go somewhere for vacation. but where???
6/29/2006 07:46:00 PM
candy does not always help. for example it does not help you if you are fat.
and your vacation destination shall depend on how many days you have and how much money you have. and i guess how many friends you have, although if you've got enough money, who needs friends?
6/29/2006 08:07:00 PM
i've got lots of friends. not nearly enough money. plus, i still haven't been able to get my passport. so i'm pretty much limited to canada.
i've got 5 working days, so 9 days total with two weekends.
6/29/2006 08:38:00 PM
wow! that's a lot.
i'd ask you to go somewhere on vacation so i could live vicariously through you while i begin my first days as an indentured servant at work, but i don't know canada well enough.
6/29/2006 10:11:00 PM
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