ouch

it's getting close to 3 am, and as i hang up the phone i am finally confronted with the growing emptiness of my place. everything seemed fine and the same before, despite the lack of furniture, while i was caught up in my tasks ("because i'm so used to living in clutter," i told camodidi), but now with the chanson d'hiver playing and the lack of distraction (winding down for bed) i suddenly really feel the aloneness acutely. slight fear and severe loneliness seizes my heart. this makes me realize that i have not felt this lonely in a long time, which makes me realize how fortunate i have been over the past years. a heartfelt "thank you" to those have been friends to me and loved me. as for tonight's loneliness— i'll shake it off. i'm headed bedward, and am setting the alarm to get an early start on a frighteningly busy but fleeting day.