irritable

today i am finding everything irritating.

waking up on the couch this morning irritated me.

the big dumb blonde nurse ordering me for orders on patients that weren't mine irritated me.

the absolute frigidity of my office irritated me.

e-mail about the errors in the implementation of the new computer system irritated me. i wrote a beautifully eloquent letter of complaint about that. i doubt i successfully hid my irritation.

lack of e-mail about anything else also irritated me.

my first patient of the day irritated me. there was nothing wrong with him.

reading my friends' blogs irritated me, as did checking my site meter.

the selfishness of everyone in the world irritated me.

my solitude and feelings of abandonment irritated me.

my second patient of the day instantly irritated me. i was about to step out for lunch (famished!) when i heard his boohooing from the waiting room. ah, but then, then it was time to stitch up his tiny little eyebrow cut. his whining and sniffling quickly escalated to caterwauling and then screams of outright terror upon papoosing him on the stretcher.

i was not irritated. i was calm. i put on my silkiest, smoothest voice. "what a good boy. a perfect patient," came out of my mouth on auto-play. "really?" his mother asked. no, but it's what we say.

one deep stitch. tension disappeared. one superficial 6-0 fastgut at the apex. the aperture nearly disappeared. second superficial stitch. everything was closed. third superficial stitch. done. child asleep. beautiful child.

i calmly tailored a flourescent yellow bandaid to cover the 7 mm wound without pulling out eyebrow hairs. i took two seconds to feel an iota of pride in my work. then i saw a possible slight imperfection in the wound closure.

irritated.

maybe there's no such thing as a bad day. maybe it's just that you either take it well, or you're irritable about it.

i'd rather have a better excuse.