stubborn

my foot.

it's stuck between railroad ties, and i hear a train coming from somewhere.

i tug and tug, and it won't budge.

panicked though i may be,

for some reason still,

i refuse to remove my shoe.

shrimp

in oahu, on the road to the north shore, there are a lot of shrimp trucks.

i know it sounds sketchy, but still you should eat at a shrimp truck.

if you eat at a shrimp truck, this is the one at which you should eat.

in fact, it is the original. see? the sign says so.

i always seem to go to the north shore when it is raining.

and to be in a bad position to take photographs.

that being inside a car.

in any case, tourists coming through sign the truck.

and so did i.

it was fun.

grief

i made a man cry tonight.

*cries*

fish are cool

at least i think so.


don't you?


(add your own caption to this one)

it's obvious, right?

just in case it isn't, here you go.



and how do i fit into all this?


very comfortably, thank you.

one at a time

after much delay,



we'll start with something obvious.

also i'm about to start another intensive care unit rotation and i won't be writing for a while, so i may as well have something to draw from for the next five weeks. a whole vault of low-effort posts!

grown up

"where's dad?"

the house was quiet, and he usually makes lots of noise no matter what he's doing. through the minds of three of us at the table the plausible medical catastrophes paraded. he was fine, engrossed in working on something trivial in the gameroom, so all felt silly after we found him. it was funny. sort of.

for nearly a year now i have been familiar with the reality of the situation. i had no reason to be concerned, but my parents are getting older, and if something should happen, i must be the one to take care of them. no one else is in a position to do so. it started as just a thought, then became a serious thought, then became a resignation to the frailty of human life. i seriously doubt any of the other kids have thought much about this, let alone deemed it an eventuality.

now that cancer has stuck its ugly, sneering face around the corner (and retreated after we threw rocks at it), i am glad that i was prepared. currently the demon has been staved away, but it won't be long before other morbidities rear their heads. i am ready to do what has to be done.

will you still be my friend if i do?

victory

another day has passed, and i am prepared for war.

surprise attack! teeth clenched, i wrap my fingers tightly around the throat of my enemy. an involuntary battle cry escapes my lungs as we struggle one-on-one. there is no one to help me now; i am alone in my cause.

my foe has proven himself a mighty adversary in the past, but today i am armed. i reach for my knife, and one! two! threefourfivesixseveneightnineten! and again, and again, and again

and at last, my enemy releases his hold and surrenders. panting from the struggle, heart pounding, i am in disbelief as my cramping hands slowly loosen their grip, bruised and sore.

and tonight i dine on chips and salsa.

ha!

(i tried the hot water over the lid thing, and the slam against the counter thing, and the rubber glove thing. what finally did it was rapping the lid with a knife all around its edge, many many times. i win, i win!)

final blow

you know what's not okay?

when you're bummed, and after sustaining both insult AND injury, you're driven to junk food— in this case, chips and salsa

and then, for the first time ever,

you can't get the salsa jar open.

*laughs*

*cries*

discovery

who likes chocolate covered marshmallow bunnies?

i do!

winter

yet i would challenge you.

years of endless winter, snow upon snow, ice covering all life

sunshine is cruel, sending down empty promises of warmth and happiness and hope

only to disappear and leave one bereft, clutching only the broken dreams that had sprouted in its light

all is again grey and frozen, and frozen again

and the cold creeps back into the soul

and stifles.

it may be cold where you are

but you are not alone

cold

alone

i think, he is, perhaps...

he talks like i'm good and right, and everything about me is right and good, and everything that is good and right is me. in his eyes i can do no wrong.

and, of course, it is wrong, inherently wrong, the definition of what is wrong in this world. there can be no pretending. he is wrong.

and i am right. which is N.F. which stands for No Fun.

or perhaps No Fair.

... infatuated?

... lying?