my family

crazy mad skillz

his name is raul midón. he is blind and he is unbelievable! you have to check out this link.

thankfulness

whew! i know i behave badly sometimes, but may i never do something that makes someone rig a bomb to blow me up in my car when i turn the key.

kablooie!

no parking

taken by camodidi, 2004

heart condition

it is the universal condition
of the human heart
as it beats
“myself, myself, myself,”

the rhythm pulses through
and throughout all mankind
and multiplying on itself
it creates a polyphony
of sin
of endless variations

peace comes in the silence
when the heart is stilled
releases its last proclamation of self-love
and before even this dissipates
into the thin gas around us

returns to its Source,
forgetting its rote recitation

Love beams a steady constant
envelops, enfolds the soul
and life begins

camobunny sings

live tonight at cafe de france, 7515 forsyth, 8-ish. bring a friend.

feel the funk y'all!

(gong)
get down, get down; get down, get down
get down, get down; get down, get down
get down, get down; get down, get down
get down, get down; get down, get down

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! haaoooh!

jungle boogie (get down with the boogie)
jungle boogie (get it up)
jungle boogie (get down with the boogie)
jungle boogie (get it on)
jungle boogie (get up with the boogie)
jungle boogie (get up wit da get down)
jungle boogie (get down with the boogie)
jungle boogie (come and shake it around)

jungle boogie (get up wit da get down)
jungle boogie (boogie, boogie)
jungle boogie (boogie, boogie)
jungle boogie (hrrrururrrrruh!)
jungle boogie (get up wit da get down)
jungle boogie (get the boogie)
jungle boogie (yeah in the jungle)
jungle boogie (get down with the boogie)

get down, get down
get down, get down (with the boogie)
get down, get down (jun-gle boogie)
get down, get down (boogie boogie)
get down, get down (it's the boogie)
get down, get down (jungle boogie)
get down, get down (with the boogie)
get down, get down (with the boogie)
get down, get down (jungle boogie)
get down, get down (yeahhhhh)
get down, get down (it’s the boogie)
get down, get down

uh! huuuuuuh!

uh, get it
feel the funk, y'all
let it flooooow
huh, chk-uh uh UH
hurhrrrrrur, uh, choo cha! chk-eh, unh UNH uh
heh! n-chihch duh nnh!, puh chih-ch duh doh ti-ch unnnh (down)!

get down with the boogie hah chk-eh uh-duh doh get it,
i'm-a lucky like the jungle boogie
get down huh, get d-down with the boogie
said UH, huh, get down
said UH, huh, a-get down
said unh, huh! get down
said unh, huh! 'til ya feel it y'all
uh, huh! a-get down y'all
uh, huh! a-get down
uh. huh-uh! get up y'all
uh, oh, with the get down
uh, ha! hurhrrrrrurbrhrrr
uh, ha, get down
(tarzan yell)

having guests

haHA! i cleaned the bathroom. it's so clean it is literally shining. really, shining. so shiny it surprised even me.

but, um, who needs that shiny of a bathroom? i mean, really.

misconception

there seems to be a misconception about the camobunny.
the original camobunny is seen over thar' in my sidebar.

the concept is NOT this:

(ammobunny)

but, rather, this:

now do you see?

interviews: throwed roles

inter-view. hm!

keys to interviewing well? there are those who do interview "training", learn interview "skills", and all that. blows my mind. just be yourself and be honest. that will help you get the right job for you at a place that is right for you. that's more important than you know.

at my fellowship interviews i asked the questions. it's a sick and twisted way to interview someone, getting your questions answered by making your applicants ask the questions. about 2/3 of the way of the way through my 5-6 month process (too late, really) i developed a beautiful question to ask that i knew was impressive and that i actually wanted to know the answer to. the funny thing is i didn't even realize all the depth and importance of my own question.

that question was that "i have spent the last ## years being trained as a physician, clinically. being an academic physician means being a researcher and a teacher as well. what steps will your particular fellowship program be taking to prepare me for those new roles?" (young doctors take note! they ate this one up.)

today i was sitting in a faculty orientation meeting and had a flashback of this. while being lectured to about my role as a faculty member i realized AGAIN (getting tired of being reminded of this) that i am young (bleah). my life is going to change over time-- a lot-- and there are multiple roles that will be further assigned to me as time goes by.

aw, crap. i have finally started getting comfortable and familiar in the roles of woman, daughter, sister, friend, musician, physician. still working on homemaker. very much still working on "beloved child of God whose identity is in Christ". these were what the 20's have been for. yeah, blah blah, the late teens and 20's are a time of establishing one's identity and getting to know oneself. it's trite. but if you don't know how important this is just look at the people who had new roles tacked onto their lives (spouse, parent, even patient or victim) before getting established in their identities and you can observe how hard that makes it.

sadly, as much as my interviewers glowingly praised my question, their answers were lame and made up on the spot. no one was able to address the idea of helping someone else prepare for the roles they were intending to assume. so now what? i get to blaze my own trail again? groan.

what roles lie ahead for me? teacher? mentor? employee? boss? girlfriend? wife? mother? today i don't find that exciting. it's scary. because with the assumption of each new role comes more opportunity to fail or to disappoint someone. and with roles like these there is an expectation-- no, a certain necessity to do well right away with minimal transitional time.

someone once asked me, "isn't there anything you're NOT good at?" it was meant as a compliment, but it pointed at a big weakness in me. my answer? "of course. bowling." and then, seriously, "it's not that i'm good at everything i do. it's that i only do things i'm good at." well sooner or later that is going to change, and i cannot avoid it.

we'll see how it goes. thank God for protecting and blessing me and everyone else around me thus far, despite all my efforts!

to come back full circle, my advice on interviews (and relationships and jobs and life in general): know yourself, then be yourself. otherwise you'll find yourself in a role you're not ready to play.

remission

you know when you have to go to the bathroom really badly, for a really long time? and then you finally get to go, how relieved you feel?

i think that must be what it feels like when depression goes into remission.

i'm not hitting on you!

what is it? why is it that guys think i'm hitting on them when i'm just being a friend? and then why is it that other guys tell me i'm not forward enough? just goes to show that men have no clue*.

r, i am not in love with you, no matter what what's-her-face says. k, i am not hitting on you; you're married for goodness' sake! you guys are my friends and i love you, but not like that.

i'm no feminist, but there are lots of reasons why i like being a girl. there are two reasons that i don't. the first is that i can't help people in ways i'd like to help them. i'm simply physically incapable, or it's not safe. the second is that i am not able to love my guy friends freely without someone confusing the issue.

i suppose it is a form of "prejudice" that is intrinsic to this flawed world. i am not taken seriously as a professional or in other capacities because i look young and "cute" (bleah). it's not intentional, it's just that people are incapable of meeting others without processing their physical appearance and adding that to the mix of that they think. "i look at your face and i know" (camodad).

oh well.

still, i'm not hitting on you!

*men have no clue, and women are nuts. that's just how it is.

you know what's cool?

the camobunny is really diggin' on samurai jack tonight. i'd forgotten how cool it is.

samurai jack is a cartoon. laugh if you want, a lot of people do, right in my face! i don't care. i don't even use the fact that i'm a pediatrician as an excuse. i like cartoons. sometimes i think the only tv that isn't bad for you (by depressing you about the world or making your contentment disappear) is cartoons.

i don't like anime. sick fantasy psychotic misogynistic crap.

but samurai jack. that's hot.

louisiana wed-diiii-iiing bells

any amateur or semi-pro musician who's done a wedding can relate to my friend emily's post about the wackiness that may ensue.

why are weddings a big show? like a vegas production or something, with flashy costumes and rented animals? why are musicians treated like trick elephants? why does the artist succumb to the ch-ching sound that the fee makes, the jingling in the pocket, the sound of sacrificing almost everything artistic to the servitude of being a paid hired hand? everyone who's ever done it agrees. it's weird, selling your self to "art" (if you can hear that as a verb) at someone's party and then not even being able to be your arty self because they own you for that paid time.

the question remains yet to be answered for me. if i were ever to ask a musician friend to play at my wedding, would they feel it to be an honor or a pain in the behind? don't i want my friend to feel free to celebrate with me and share in the joy of the day? do i really want my friend to feel anxious about performing and be distracted from the happiness of the occasion? but shouldn't i allow my friend to have the opportunity to feel that he/she is blessing me with a gift of beautiful music? right now if i ever get married i think canned music is the way to go. my brother had a computer hooked up to speakers at his wedding reception. it looked hokey, sure, but it's genius really. mp3's won't show up late, don't demand anything in return, and they don't make mistakes.

here's another one. i am a young doctor, a future pillar of the community, devoting my life to the well-being of others and to the promotion of all that is healthy and right and good. i am also a musician--specifically (currently) a jazz vocalist. if i go out and sing jazz in a smoky bar, in my sultry alto ballad-voice, in my little blue dress that shows my shoulders and legs, am i compromising my medical professional credibility? if i get hired for a jazz gig, is it a step down from "pillar of the community" status to that of hired help?

as to the last question, i think "status" is made up and stupid, and who cares. still the fact remains that image and reputation have an impact on certain things and relationships. the one i care about is the patient (and pt's family) to doctor relationship. i want very much for my patients' parents to feel confident in my ability to care for their child, and to respect my teaching and instructions. that is important in optimizing their continuing medical care and health maintenance, the part that happens at home, which is becoming more and more important in this world of "treat'em and street'em" medicine. so i don't want that relationship to be undermined by my personal artistic pursuits.

and yes, emily, i do remain traumatized by that horrible wedding bells song. it lingers like a bad odor.

coming soon...

another work in progress. LADIES, this one's for all y'all!