beautiful

logging on tonight i was thinking that i hadn't posted anything in a long time. now i look and find i still post nearly every day. weird to reset my perspective.

some bad writing tonight. no apologies:

anyway, the most beautiful thing i saw today was going to be the bluejay that flitted from one tree to another amidst the brown deadness we were driving past in the ambulance while going to pick up the patient that was going to be either zero, one, two, or three patients because of some other hospital's poor planning and lack of organization. instead of stressing about that i was thinking about how i am never the one to notice wildlife out the car window. people even point stuff out to me and i can't see it. deer and turkey and crap. but for three-tenths of a second i saw this brilliant blue, with black, and white, the only bright color in this endless scene of brown, grey, and dull green, in this fog, on this tortuous road that was nearly too narrow for our rig. (today i started using the word "rig". it seems so much more fitting for the behemoth vehicle than "truck".) and i was the only one who saw it. it was really beautiful, just for the split second. out of the 6.5 hours of a trip. a trip that ended up being for nought. zero patients. during a flood.

it sounds all so non sequitur but it makes sense because of the complete weirdness of the trip. i could make myself neither scared nor calm on the way out there. so i knitted. just to add to the surreal nature of the situation (got poked fun at, knitting in my flight suit, motorcycle boots, and leather jacket).

i'm not going to share my thoughts on rural living tonight. i've done that briefly on this blog already. but there were a lot of thoughts about that on this long trip too.

but no, the most beautiful thing i saw today was my friend's little boy. he's just now 12 months old. he has a viral upper respiratory infection and he looked absolutely pathetic. and adorable. he's got rosy pink cheeks, alabaster skin, fine hair. he also had snot streaming out his nose and red swollen eyes that had green mucus oozing out of them, clumping up in his eyelashes. like i said, he looked as though he felt completely miserable. still, as the evening went on (another potluck. i'm eating so well lately) he remained pleasant, and actually became cheerful and downright winning, with a bright smile, laughing through the watery eyes and mucoid discharge. in his little blue fleecy pajamas with the footies. and teeming with (likely) parainfluenza virus.

DON'T get me wrong. i SO do NOT want a baby in my life. not now. not anytime soon. what was beautiful was his resilient, happy little spirit. not a single person i know would possibly have been that chipper while feeling as ill as he must have felt. he really is a blessing to his mother. and tonight, to me, evidently.

that's all.