relativity theory

(it was a draft, jotted down hurriedly in bits and phrases about eight weeks ago. i was going to come back to it and fill it in— no, not with shading and detail; i wasn't even that far yet. think more along the lines of connecting the dots. it's been long enough now that i've lost all but the outline of my original vision, and i have decided this skeletal version just might suffice in its own unmasticated, awkward way. )

there is a bolt of artistic ability that has ripped a fiery streak across the face of my family tree. (this is my father’s side of the family.) in our generation it glows most brightly. it is alive, throwing off sparks of genius. for some it has just begun burning through ensnaring vines, the confusion of an entangling adolescence. for some, time of transition has brought room to move, stand up tall and stretch out to take control of our domains. the rest of us have seized opportunites of adulthood and begun wielding our talents efficiently and effectively.

there are eleven of us all told. amongst these it is manifest in high artistry— music and writing, painting, sculpting, poetry. healing.
and those are just the ones i know. it goes on.
it is in our blood.

it is power.

a seminal spark from the loins of an ancestor we have in common. like lightning. unstoppable.

it IS in our blood. it burns like fire in my veins, shooting from my pounding heart down to my belly, through my fingertips, out my eyes.

so too runs emotional lability. because that ancestor was a jerk. anger. resentment. arrogance. high tempers. domination. stubbornness. depression. anxiety. self-doubt. fear of failure. control issues.

we all sit perched precariously atop our neighboring pedestals, squawking our resentments at one another for having been put there, or puffing out ruffled chests in keeping them to ourselves.

i must wonder, have they inherited this same seed of whatever, this fiery ember? glowing coal? —oh, i have received a heavy, heavy dose—that smoulders relentlessly, to be good, to be good, to be good. to be right. to be good. why? because good is better than bad, that’s why. and better, better is even better. too smart to try for perfect or best but always better. better. it can always be better.

could we even survive if in the same room? the fires burning so brightly.... i can only imagine the blinding brilliance just before all the oxygen is used up and we are extinguished each and every one.