clarity
grasping my heartstrings i pulled, and pulled, and dug in my heels and pulled against the growing weight on my heart. a valiant effort i put forth, but when i wasn't paying attention, things slipped, and down it sank to find a place in my chest just below my xiphoid process and above my stomach. oh. a familiar feeling.
i was driving at the time, and someone cut me off. i didn't care. it was then that i realized that sometimes it's good to have issues, a little something weighing you down, to keep you grounded. the little trivial things that might normally have one flying off the handle are again appropriately trivial.
i couldn't find a parking spot. patiently i circled around to the top level, where the birds were thick. bird poop was inevitable. oh well. i parked my car. i pushed the down button for the elevator and waited, contemplating the clarity that comes with being alone. my issue tonight was indeed loneliness, and though it had weighed me down, submerging my heart in a puddle of muddled emotion, it brought me to a place of surprisingly lucid insight. again it was about myself, and the world, and my place in the world, and God, and existence, and all that stuff that people don't usually think about.
the elevator stopped on every floor on the way down. seven. six. five. no one got on. on four a maintenance man enetered the elevator. the flashlight in his back pocket was on. i said nothing and kept staring at the floor. he must have noticed my funk from the expression on my face, because he took it upon himself to ask me how i was doing. "just fine," i lied. pause. "your light is on." "oh, i left my taillight on!" it was kinda funny.
i exited the elevator and then the garage. a flock of birds took off from the top of the garage in a winding, climbing motion. i noted the oddly curved trajectory of their flight path, and then thought to myself how odd it was that i'd notice and think about such a thing. continuing to walk, i wondered how many people observe and think of important things when they feel like this, because they are feeling like this. i wondered if these people do so because they are alone, or if they are alone because they do so.
then i got to work and worked.
i wonder how tomorrow will be.
i was driving at the time, and someone cut me off. i didn't care. it was then that i realized that sometimes it's good to have issues, a little something weighing you down, to keep you grounded. the little trivial things that might normally have one flying off the handle are again appropriately trivial.
i couldn't find a parking spot. patiently i circled around to the top level, where the birds were thick. bird poop was inevitable. oh well. i parked my car. i pushed the down button for the elevator and waited, contemplating the clarity that comes with being alone. my issue tonight was indeed loneliness, and though it had weighed me down, submerging my heart in a puddle of muddled emotion, it brought me to a place of surprisingly lucid insight. again it was about myself, and the world, and my place in the world, and God, and existence, and all that stuff that people don't usually think about.
the elevator stopped on every floor on the way down. seven. six. five. no one got on. on four a maintenance man enetered the elevator. the flashlight in his back pocket was on. i said nothing and kept staring at the floor. he must have noticed my funk from the expression on my face, because he took it upon himself to ask me how i was doing. "just fine," i lied. pause. "your light is on." "oh, i left my taillight on!" it was kinda funny.
i exited the elevator and then the garage. a flock of birds took off from the top of the garage in a winding, climbing motion. i noted the oddly curved trajectory of their flight path, and then thought to myself how odd it was that i'd notice and think about such a thing. continuing to walk, i wondered how many people observe and think of important things when they feel like this, because they are feeling like this. i wondered if these people do so because they are alone, or if they are alone because they do so.
then i got to work and worked.
i wonder how tomorrow will be.
posted by CamoBunny at 22:19
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