circadia

time has become meaningless to me.

on days that i work in the morning i get up at 0530. some people think this is early. others think it's late. in reality, it is neither. that number, 0530, holds no value. this is because my work shifts occur at a variety of times of the day or night, and i may go to bed or wake up at any time at all.

because i have no (or very few) external factors in my life that provide diurnal setpoints—no other people in the house who keep particular daytime hours, few regularly scheduled daytime activities outside of work— my life floats detached from the usual plane of days marked off with sunrises and sunsets. i hover above the pages of my schedules, and as i peer out from my particular vantage point, the lines on the calendar boxes blur and disappear.

any time of day or night, it all feels the same to me. i can't decide whether or not this is a bad thing. in any case, it is what it is, and it will not change for another 7 months, so i will continue to live as such.