a year of repose

i'm still thinking about my meeting.

see, there are all these issues i see that could be fixed with a little cooperation and just a little bit of effort. "if only everyone would see things my way!" just kidding.

in any case, i am the type who usually steps up and says something to make progress toward improvements. usually. but being that i've been in this job for less than a year and knew when i started that i'd only be working it for a year, i haven't felt quite as compelled to do so, nor have i felt that i have been in a position to do so. hence the aforementioned silent bristling.

so now in cubicle-land, i hear my colleague, who has been appointed "head" of a certain area, taking initiative and whipping her area into shape. i am so happy to hear that things are being done in that area (not an area where i work).

i wanna do that too. i want to make things better. it's not that i want a leadership position; i don't want that sort of responsibility. it's that i hate it when things don't work the way they're supposed to, especially if it's regarding patient care.

this year has been a year of repose in a lot of respects. i've let a lot of certain skill sets (specifically leadership, book-learning, guitar-playing, and housekeeping, just to name a few) lie dormant for many months. i also have not had to push myself too much with regards to work (no thirty-six hour shifts, very few critically ill patients, and a reduced number of hours per week). and yes, i know, some of you will be wont to point out the lack of progress in the s.o. department (to which i will reply, yes, a lack of progress, but this is despite an unusual amount of activity involving weirdos and old dudes, so i demand your pity instead of your reprimands).

what's my point?

i suppose i'm just expressing some concern for the overall direction of my life over the interval of time called "this past year." was it a year of repose? recovery? rehabilitation? or was it a year of backsliding, of waste, of spiritual and intellectual sloth and obesity?

just thinkin'.