so much to say

this is post #302. who knew i'd have so much to say?

i worry sometimes about being one of THOSE. you know how some women go on and on and on and ON and just keep talking and talking and talking about nothing? and there is often the husband, sometimes patient, sometimes impatient, but regardless having to tolerate this incessant blathering. it's sad and i don't ever want someone to think of me in that way.

well, firstly, i've found that men do it too, blablablabla. secondly, i can't be one of THOSE if it bothers me so, can i? at times i find it so intolerable that my i withdraw behind a wall of prickles and i swear to myself never to say a word if not spoken to.

oh, i CAN. when paired with someone even more conversationally impaired than i, i find empty things to chatter about. it drains me but i can do it. but i don't like to. i hear myself talking and usually wish that this person were comfortable with mutual silence. few people, however, are, and so i talk. what i forget is that the conversationally impaired also fail to express a desire to close the conversation and in their attempts to appear interested unintentionally give cues that in normal society indicate a desire to continue interacting. so now i have become very comfortable with bringing in cues like, "well, i'm glad you're well," or "it was nice to hear from you," or less subtly, "i've gotta go now." is that gauche? i don't care.

i enjoy quiet. it is beautiful. so much idle chatter is taxing. a meaningful conversation is a blessing, and so is meaningful silence.

please, God, make the words of my mouth blessed and fruitful. please don't let me become one of THOSE.