or maybe

or maybe i have some chronic disease that is so far undiagnosed, and that's why i'm so scrawny. or maybe it's because depression makes you lose your appetite.

or maybe i'm just an average doctor after all. just average.

or maybe i AM a horrible ogre most terrifying to behold. or worse-- maybe i'm laughable to look at.

or maybe i have distracted myself to think things are better than they really are. or maybe i'm cured of my depression.

or maybe i still am that socially inept. maybe i'll move to my new job and transform back into a hermit and be miserable again. and my outside will turn as ugly as my inside and all will be revealed. or maybe i'll move and suddenly be one of the cool kids, or maybe the nerds will stop denying me membership for being too cool and too hot.

or maybe i'll just keep doing my thing and not worry about it. yeah, that's it.

maybe.