sore spots
well, now i'm on the other side of it.
you know sometimes people (usually women) respond in a completely unexpected way to something you say? often accompanied by high emotion?
i've done that. we all do that.
having done it, now being on the other side of it, i find myself in an unusual place regarding what to do now that i've accidentally provoked such a response. (again, it's my pathological honesty running amok.)
1) stop. think. i think that's the most important thing to do first, before flying off the handle in return. often when it happens, it's because there are issues that lie deeper than you ever realized. you've poked the proverbial sore spot, and you might not even have known it.
2) check your ego. it may be hard to resist defending yourself, especially if the response involves personal insults. be careful, be gracious.
3) ask. it may be appropriate to ask questions to help you understand why you received the response you did. it may not. use your best judgment.
4) explain. sometimes you should explain. sometimes you shouldn't. it depends on whether or not the explanation matters, NOT on whether or not you feel the need to justify yourself.
5) apologize. if you want to preserve the relationship, you should say that you are sorry. and you should be sorry. hear that, guys? not "i'm sorry you got your feelings hurt" or anything lame like that that implies that she is unreasonable. take responsibility for what you said or did, because you did it.
in case you're wondering, yup, i am sorry. i don't ever mean to be hurtful, so if someone is hurt, then it does make me feel bad. i can only hope the hurt dissipates as quickly as it arose.
you know sometimes people (usually women) respond in a completely unexpected way to something you say? often accompanied by high emotion?
i've done that. we all do that.
having done it, now being on the other side of it, i find myself in an unusual place regarding what to do now that i've accidentally provoked such a response. (again, it's my pathological honesty running amok.)
1) stop. think. i think that's the most important thing to do first, before flying off the handle in return. often when it happens, it's because there are issues that lie deeper than you ever realized. you've poked the proverbial sore spot, and you might not even have known it.
2) check your ego. it may be hard to resist defending yourself, especially if the response involves personal insults. be careful, be gracious.
3) ask. it may be appropriate to ask questions to help you understand why you received the response you did. it may not. use your best judgment.
4) explain. sometimes you should explain. sometimes you shouldn't. it depends on whether or not the explanation matters, NOT on whether or not you feel the need to justify yourself.
5) apologize. if you want to preserve the relationship, you should say that you are sorry. and you should be sorry. hear that, guys? not "i'm sorry you got your feelings hurt" or anything lame like that that implies that she is unreasonable. take responsibility for what you said or did, because you did it.
in case you're wondering, yup, i am sorry. i don't ever mean to be hurtful, so if someone is hurt, then it does make me feel bad. i can only hope the hurt dissipates as quickly as it arose.
posted by CamoBunny at 22:32
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2 comments
2 Comments:
What a strange and harsh reaction to an innocent comment. Ah well, perhaps you're not talking about that.
You know what else though, while I'm at it? I wouldn't want you to be called anything other than Camobunny. Not for all the tea in China. It's a great name.
1/25/2007 09:53:00 AM
The explanation matters to me.
1/25/2007 06:02:00 PM
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