listen to me (?)

have been conspicuously inactive.

have been in the icu.

then have been on a trip far away from here. not a fun one.

then have been busy with taxes.

after which i have been immersed in preparing a lecture.

after which i will be re-enacting that trip, hopefully in a more fun fashion.

can you dig it? me! preparing a lecture! as though i had anything to each anyone.

i give it early tuesday morning. pray that God gives me some diligence and discipline to get it done, along with enhancement of my staying-awake-for-ridiculous-stretches-at-a-time powers. i also need for Him to curb some of my self-consciousness, because right now i have myself convinced that i am unable to prepare a lecture that goes into adequate depth. that i must give to people who've been studying this subject for at least twice as long if not ten times longer than have i makes it seem all the more foolish. it is all part of an educational exercise, i've been told.

besame
besame mucho
como si fuera esta noche
la ultima vez

oh please, please don't let me inwardly burst into song while giving my lecture. sometimes that happens to me. suddenly the dominant sounds in my head are the same lines of the songs i've been singing to myself, over and over. then, absorbed in the music, my mind detaches from the task at hand. my eyes scan the information written on the page before me, feeding words directly to my mouth, which spits them out carefully, like so many watermelon seeds and thumbtacks. this process bypasses my brain.

que tengo miedo pederte, pederte despues

last night i had a dream that i kissed a strange man. he took off his ring first. i was okay with that, because i didn't see how people with lip rings could kiss without them getting painfully in the way.