work

yeah. it was the worst night in the ER. i'm talking, the worst in years. in at least four years. probably more.

we had a mass casualty. can't go into details. there was a perpetrator and there were victims, all of whom rolled in together. we were seeing kids and adult patients in our children's hospital.

the senior attending donned the "chief medical officer" vest and directed everyone. i, the second attending, "made myself available." all available medical personnel throughout the rest of the hospital were paged to come down and help.

during the mass casualty, multiple unrelated traumas rolled in. and rolled in. and kept rolling in. and then there were more. and more.

i only did two traumas and staffed one of the mass casualty victims. otherwise, i "remained available." that was my job. to otherwise "hold down the fort." while the rest of the ER went completely nuts, i and two residents just took care of everything else, of which there was plenty.

at the end of the night so many of our staff were exhausted and demoralized. i remained fresh as a daisy. because that was my job. ?.

and again, ?. i feel weird about it. not that i necessarily prefer frontline work, but if everyone else is suffering in the trenches i feel weird about hanging back, remaining my "in case" / "reserve" position. they thanked me for doing so, but still it felt odd.

in any case, it passed, and i remain unscathed.

i hope everyone else is okay.

oh yeah, and

i feel dumb.