assessment
he stepped up to our table, interrupting the meat lady (is that the right title?) in the middle of her shpiel that demonstrated the size and shape of the different steaks. we looked up from the tray of raw meat cuts and lobster tails at this busboy, who happened to be the meat lady's roommate and cousin.
"excuse me, i just wanted to say that you ladies are fi-ine!"
fortunately the meat lady thought this was hilarious and just started cracking up. that made it funny instead of freaky.
i suppose we had the right to feel complimented, but it made a small seed of resentment sprout inside me. you see, people of his race have a history of fetishes for people of our race.
whuh-oh. race. i'm not telling you what his race is, nor mine. i'm not going to say anything prejudiced. i am simply making observations, and i try to limit observations to those i have observed directly.
i was at work. he asked, "will your husband have dinner ready for you when you get home?" no. "what, no med school marriage for you?" no. "did you prepare supper before you came?" no, i needed a haircut, so i was at the salon. "i'll bet you spent 2 hours there." no, now that my hair is short it takes very little time to take care of it. "did you cut off a lot of hair?" yes. "see? why? why? anybody'll tell you that men like long hair." (he said it just like that, emphasizing each word separately.) well, did it occur to you that i don't keep my hair according to what men prefer? i am not truly shrewish enough to have said that. "i donated it to kids who can't grow hair of their own."
"oh. well, still." pause.
"what kind of food do you cook? do you cook food from your ethnicity? i mean, uh, culture?"
good grief. i outrank him by many degrees. he may be older than i am by 25 years, but i'm practically his boss. and he is sizing me up like a piece of exotic meat by asking about my domesticity.
AND i didn't even pick up on it until later. i wasn't bothered about it until the next morning, when i realized what he had been doing.
he was assessing my womanhood.
i don't appreciate that. not at all.
posted by CamoBunny at 22:08
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2 comments
2 Comments:
i wonder though, what would you rather have assessed? while, he's probably never ever been right in his assumptions (the day when the girl says, "well, yes he will have dinner ready when i get home" or "well, now that you mention it, i do miss all my hair!" he probably won't even know what to do with himself), i wonder how else creepy old men start conversations with young women. perhaps not so much for you, but i find it refreshing when someone out of the blue just starts talking at me, especially when they're old, old people are so kooky. i guess old ladies aren't hitting on me, as much as they used to anyway, but i think it's far more interesting than when they're just talking about, say, the weather. or how many siblings you have.
don't take it so personal! creepy old men are here to stay and they're harmless. generation upon generation of young women will be greeted (or accosted i guess) by generations of creepy old men. circle of life or something like that. creepy old men are like little time capsules that show us the way things used to be and how much things have changed. i never thought i'd be defending creepy old men, but it's a great deal more fun, i think, than examining how asian women are objectified in a wholly unique way compared to women in general. i guess it's the creepy-old-man-to-be in me.
as for the meat dude, did that little seed sprout because of said fetishes or because of the tactless way in which he expressed them? maybe if he had pulled you aside and whispered in your ear (ewwww no even creepier!)? written you a note on a napkin? or maybe if it hadn't been right before dinner and you were cranky and hungry because all you wanted was your big hunk of steak?
which brings me back to, well, what if he had said something else? what would you rather have assessed? and don't say you'd rather not be assessed at all because first of all, that's no fun, and second, people are assessing other people whether they verbalize it or not.
didn't mean for the comment to turn into this stream of consciousness verbal diarrhea, but i was bored and playing devil's advocate on your blog, in particular, is fun!
10/03/2005 01:42:00 AM
what would i rather have assessed? if i must be assessed at all (fun? this is not about fun. this is real life, youngster—heh, heh) i guess the basic things i might be more used to must be the ones i assess in others subconsciously: nice or mean, smart or dumb, honest or dishonest, useful or useless, proficient or incompetent, and christian or non-christian. i'm not saying those are better either; i wish i could put those down too. i still contend it's not our job to judge. how do you like everyone judging, say, how well you do at school, and comparing that to others? it just feels bad, and there are better things we could do for one another. there are more important things about each other that we can appreciate.
and don't take it personally? does it sound like i'm taking it personally? i'm generalizing. no self-respecting woman wants this crap. now there are those women in the world who derive their identity and self-esteem from men's opinions on these things. they're the poor girls who end up posing for porn or popping out so many babies that they can't control their bladder for the rest of their lives.
this dude's not that old; early fifties isn't really that old unless you're pretty darn young. even if he were old, that's no excuse. some people excuse old white people who say "black people are a subclass of people and it's okay to think of them as animals or property." i don't think that is excusable; they have had plenty of time to learn to keep thoughts like that to themselves if they must continue to think them. if they are totally addled, that is a different story. this man has no excuse.
at work i want a professional workplace. he really ought to have been doing his job instead of wasting time trying to size up his boss. i should have told him to go collect the urine sample from the patients in 7. or i could have scolded him when i opened the drawer and tongue depressors weren't stocked, which is his job.
having someone see how you measure up as a woman isn't a pleasant thought, but it's the markers he used that really get to me. he even brought in my weight and if i keep the house clean. he asked everything short of my bra size and whether or not i am good in bed. it would be like a woman asking men, "how much money do you make? what kind of car do you drive? how much can you bench? do you buy your girlfriends jewelry?"
i'm just glad i had my shapeless white coat on or i have had to go home from work directly to the shower to get all the slimy eyeball tracks off me.
at work, boring conversation is acceptable (because it doesn't piss me off, haha). the thing is, in our line of work there are just so many other crazy things to talk about that are hilarious and fascinating. i have gone, what 4 years now in this profession and it has only been people like him (of his specific race and station) who have found it appropriate or interesting to talk to me like this. someone needs to teach him that women can do more than cooking, cleaning, and sex. you'd think me being his boss would clue him in.
as for the meat guy, it was the fetish thing as well as and the impropriety of the comment in that setting. at a fancy and expensive restaurant we paying customers expect to be treated respectfully and professionally no matter our gender or race. such a tactless and tacky gesture was disrespectful and highly unprofessional.
by the way, even if any of them were my age and hot, it would still be wrong.
10/04/2005 02:21:00 AM
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